4: The Reply

I said "I love you", I was greeted with a long silence. My heart was beating 10 times faster, I was sweating, dying with anticipation. After a long wait she said "I never thought of you that way". I was literally heart broken. I felt embarrassed and disappointed at the same time. It was hard to take the conversation further after a rejection like that. Even at that moment, there were a lot of questions in mind, but my mind went blank for that moment.

There was a sudden rush of thoughts in my mind. Why did she say no? What did she mean when she said I did not think of you that way? How will I face her tomorrow? Is it the end of journey! Countless thoughts. I eventually mustered some courage to ask, "Did you never think of me like that?"

The answer was a blatant NO. The heart broke into finer pieces this time. It felt like the whole world was crumbling right in front of my eyes.

           I just could not sleep that night for the obvious reasons. I did not want to face her the next day, in fact did not want to face anybody for the matter. I just did not know how to behave or move around with her. To top that, the next day she said,” Don't worry, it happens. I am sorry Sid, I never thought of you like that". It was like a slap on my face. All of a sudden she looked devilish to my eyes, she seemed completely like a different person.

            Days passed by, I suggested her that we be friends, as I did not want to lose the friendship. This is like a default option all guys fall back on. Get rejected, suggest to be friends as usual. This gives the guys a chance to try again, it’s like the friendship net is the fall back option.

Anyways we began talking as usual in a few days, but there was this unexplained tension at times. I thought to myself, there was no point going further. But due to my unprecedented love, I ended up proposing her again! YES you did read that right!! I repeated the same act. I tried to curb the feeling, but just couldn't. I expected the same answer, but this time Aksha said, "I don't know". The reply definitely infused some hopes in me. I was thinking in my mind, couple of more times and it might actually work. The moment she said "I don't know", I knew, that was my chance, I grabbed the opportunity and poured out all my feelings. The idea was to build on her reply.

In the same way, I ended up proposing three more times. "I Love you" now had become a joke. But the important thing was, every single time Aksha's answer was different. It was better than the previous. But it was never a "Yes" or "I Love you too". Her best reply was, "Maybe, I don't know". I tried and tried the entire third semester, but always in vain. 

Then came the semester break, I knew that I could not see her for a month. Was happy for the vacation, but was sad that I wouldn't be seeing her. I visited my aunt, an overnight journey from Bangalore. In spite of the location or in spite of the fact that messaging used to cost a fortune on roaming, I continued messaging Aksha.

One bright sunny afternoon, I received a message from Aksha, the message which changed the dimensions of the relationship or at least what I would call, the turning point of the relationship.

3: The Proposal

So tracing back to the beginning where I spoke about the Bollywood intro to love, you must be wondering what was all that about! Well, it happened in the beginning of the second year. There was no wind, no sparks, and no thunder in the sky. It was just a guy meeting a girl. In fact I don't even know, how and when it hit me. I did not even see it coming. It could have been attraction or as they say infatuation.

When I heard the name Aksha for the first time, I smiled to myself and thought, weird name. But little did I know that, my life would revolve around that name for a long time to come. Aksha was just an another girl, there was nothing extra-ordinary about her. She was cheerful, always full of energy. Many girls are like that. Even her dressing was quite normal, she used to dress up in salwar (a traditional dress worn by women in South Asia) all the time. She had a small forehead with her ring finger larger than her index finger. She was mostly into regional films and loved everything about them. Aksha had a wonderful smile, the kind of smile which would let you forget all your problems. On the other hand she was quite loud spoken and mischievous as well. As far as I remember, she would always hang out with two of her friends and the three of these would be in a world of their own. I don't remember my initial interaction with her but we eventually started as acquaintances.

I have never mentioned before, but I have always had in me a romantic and a flirty side. I do have the initial hiccups but once I find my feet, the going gets really smooth.

Anyways it all began with me talking to all three girls giving equal attention to all. Probably it was the initial desperation that I wanted to be with some girl, immaturity personified. :) I do remember one incident in particular, Aksha's birthday, I gifted a bar of Dairy milk, a big one actually. She was surprised as we both were not such good friends for me to be giving her a big bar of chocolate. I too was surprised because there was an insatiable urge in me to gift her something. I did believe that my liking towards her was special but never listened to my heart initially. But eventually I did! I slowly became mad about Aksha and the liking grew exponentially day by day.

I spent a lot of alone time with her at the engineering college fest, we spoke a lot of things that evening. That meeting with her confirmed my liking and I had a bold thought of wanting to propose her. Deep down inside, I had a feeling that even she liked me as I did, because we used to talk all the time, exchange messages all the time. The messages had all the sparks of a romantic affair in it. There were a lot of hidden meanings for each message we exchanged. The most exciting part of a relationship according to me is when both people in the relationship like each other, yet he/she waits for the other person to confess it first. There is a lot of curiosity, expectations, constant urge to hear the person and to be with the person. Adding to that tension, there are so many unanswered questions. Is she the one for me? Does she like me? Will she message me back? What must she be thinking? Will she accept my proposal? So many questions!!

As I think, this is one such occasion, when uncertainty brings about a smile on one's face, because the adrenaline which flows with this tension is amazing. Finally I decided to propose Aksha and one fine night I said to her on the phone "I Love You".

2: First Year

       In the first year at the engineering college everyone apparently took their studies seriously. It was the beginning of the college life and we had not been used to the entertainment side yet, or at least not me. We had this physics lab, where all of us had assembled before couple of professors who were quite good, the realization of how good they were came to us quite late when we met with hopeless professors in the following years!. The entire batch of students at the lab was split into groups of two. There was this one girl who was really pretty and all the guys gave her the stares, they were dying to be with her and talk to her or whatever. Frankly even I wanted to talk to her and be with her. And lady luck smiled on me and we both were in the same group. wow! I was really thrilled and the guys were like, he is the lucky guy. I too got quite the stares but the other kind.

But given how chickened out I was considering the new college and new place, I just could not appreciate anything else apart from physics. How stupid could I get!. But the lab turned out to be quite exciting, this girl was very beautiful, quite intelligent too but she was too careless, come on!! There had to be at least one negative point right, she NEVER filled her lab observation book. And I had to come to the rescue every single time, but look at the irony, I was at the receiving end of the professor more often than not for the bad reasons. Made good memories though, she must have been like who is this boring guy who is into studies all the time, doesn't talk much and he does not even manipulate the experimental values if needed. Needless to say I was quite nervous around her that made me act even more foolish at times. One such occasion was when she offered me to meet her friends and to hang out, I refused! Can you believe that? And what was the reason? I bluttered out saying I had some other work. God alone should know what important work I had to deal with.

Anyways there were a lot more incidents which made the whole of the first year quite memorable. The mechanical workshop where we had to file a piece of metal infinitely to change its shape, but it eventually remained the same. The mysterious chemistry lab which was fun and of zero learning to me. Talking about the chemistry lab, I still remember an incident where a friend of mine had to plot the graph and circle the points to make sure the points are highlighted, he drew them so big that the professor with a silly sense of humor said "Why are they so big, are you circling the points or are you drawing the Mekhri circle!!" For all the non-Bangalore friends Mekhri circle is an important road junction in Bangalore. That was one hilarious incident that seemed to have stuck with me for quite some time.

At the end of the first year I came down as a guy who was sarcastic and very notorious too. I used to pull people's leg and play quite a few pranks on them. But the guys who saw the loyal friend in me, stuck with me.

I wonder that in the beginning I was quite an introvert, but as days passed by I realized that I was just opposite of that. I had the fear of a new place and language, but I shaped up quite well. One noticeable thing is all that characters that enter my journey have quite unique personalities that are something which I have always noticed and been quite amazed about.

It is quite hard to pen down all the memorable incidents, as there were plenty of funny and memorable incidents. At the end of the 1st year, I and 3 of my friends decided to take a small trip to the place I came from, Hyderabad. It was the first time that my parents let me out that way with no adult supervision. It was a big deal for us, as it was mainly associated with three words "Freedom, Freedom and Freedom". Not that we were up to something mischievous but fun in our own kiddish way.

Trip was good, we visited all the famous places in the city and had amazing breakfast on the streets of the famous Birla Temple. The authentic South Indian breakfast "Idli and Dosa served with delicious chutney and sambhar on the Banana leaf". Quite an unforgettable meal! Before the trip began I was pretty upbeat about it as I was from that place and I was trying to show off as if I own the place. There were some situations when I was quite confident of myself, this trip was one such occasion. But that did not last long, I ended up fighting with the auto driver! I feel stupid about it till this day. But I stood up for the injustice, quite a big term for the scenario right. But the embarrassing thing was my friend Aditya settled the matter in the end by paying him more than what was required. Yes, the main aim of my fight was lost :( I know, I am making it a big deal, let me move on from this. Anyways moving on from there, the trip was quite good with no more fights along the way. The first year thus came to a close and we had an important transition from juniors to seniors. 

1: The Beginning

First love as shown in Bollywood movies is generally associated with a beautiful girl wearing an adorable dress, her hair loosened and the climate gloomy and romantic, just about to rain. It would be slightly windy just right to faintly blow her hair. And there is this guy who is staring at her wondering if she was the beautiful princess who just landed on Earth from Heaven. The girl would have a smile on her face for no apparent reason. More often than not this is a typical scene where he eventually falls for the girl and thus begins a love story. How romantic!!
            Well. Nothing of that sort not even close happened to Sid...Ohh! Wait, Who is Sid? To start off, Sid is just another guy who moved into a new city as his father got transferred. He comes off as a guy who is kind of an introvert, shy, who is real slow in terms of interaction or at least was one when his character begins. Whether he changes for the better or for the worst or remains the same is something to look forward to! Sid's family had just moved to Bangalore and this guy was really scared about the new engineering college, but somehow mustered the courage to act bold and look fine.
Enough of the context to Sid as a 3rd person, from now on Sid takes over. :)
            On my first day at college, my father gave me some advice which was portrayed as two golden rules to succeed in college, little did he know that his son would do exactly the opposite :). Rule 1: "Never talk to Girls". Rule 2: "Study and only study". It was like a lol moment. However, I took his advice or at least nodded my head in agreement. I always think I nodded because, the ridiculousness of these two rules were overcome by my fear associated with the new place, unknown language and the kind of an introvert I was.
First few days at the new college were OK, they were not bad as I thought it would turn out to be, but nonetheless wasn’t great either. Got ragged on a couple of occasions, met some new people. Well not that bad right!! Sometimes you prepare for the worst and even the normal turns out to be good.
            As it was the beginning of a long 4 year journey, we had this session at the beginning of every new class. We had to stand up, speak out our name, the place one came from and something about oneself in few words. So I had to stand up and mention that I was from "Hyderabad", the city from which I was born and brought up. Most of them were like who is this guy from Hyderabad. It was like who is this alien. Ohh, dude from Hyderabad! Let’s see what he has got. The funny thing was, not sure if my fellow class mates thought this way, but it was something running in my head on and on. This pretty much sums up the state of mind I was in. Adding to that, there was an awkward moment in every such session. I had a surname which was hard to pronounce and it wasn't even a nice sounding surname. It was something I wish I did not have at that point of time. In the roll call, all the professors would stutter at the name and they would be like "Who... is..this.." So I had to stand up every time and say, "Sir/Madam, that is my surname, please call me as Sid". It did not stop there, the curious mind of these professors prompted them to ask me, why not by that name? They even said, they would call the name that is expanded and which was first in my name. It was ridiculous, I mean why can't they take the easier way out by calling me Sid. I even took the pain to tell a prof that according to some astrology my surname had been expanded by my parents and that is the reason why it was expanded in the first place. It was greeted by a roar of laughter from all the students. But, looking on the positive side, I did grab quite some attention by that act of mine.
            As the 1st year came to a close, I realized that I had a blast. Ok Wait, Hold on!!!This is like a welcome transition from the previous Sid, who now is having a blast. Something must have gone wonderfully different but what was it?
            Well it's not like things went according to a plan because there was no plan to start off with. As days passed by I kept meeting new people. There were some awkward moments for sure, but without realizing it I did manage to meet a few real good guys and we connected really well. I shall introduce these characters slowly as I unveil my college journey, which was like a sinusoidal wave with lot of ups and downs.