4: The Reply

I said "I love you", I was greeted with a long silence. My heart was beating 10 times faster, I was sweating, dying with anticipation. After a long wait she said "I never thought of you that way". I was literally heart broken. I felt embarrassed and disappointed at the same time. It was hard to take the conversation further after a rejection like that. Even at that moment, there were a lot of questions in mind, but my mind went blank for that moment.

There was a sudden rush of thoughts in my mind. Why did she say no? What did she mean when she said I did not think of you that way? How will I face her tomorrow? Is it the end of journey! Countless thoughts. I eventually mustered some courage to ask, "Did you never think of me like that?"

The answer was a blatant NO. The heart broke into finer pieces this time. It felt like the whole world was crumbling right in front of my eyes.

           I just could not sleep that night for the obvious reasons. I did not want to face her the next day, in fact did not want to face anybody for the matter. I just did not know how to behave or move around with her. To top that, the next day she said,” Don't worry, it happens. I am sorry Sid, I never thought of you like that". It was like a slap on my face. All of a sudden she looked devilish to my eyes, she seemed completely like a different person.

            Days passed by, I suggested her that we be friends, as I did not want to lose the friendship. This is like a default option all guys fall back on. Get rejected, suggest to be friends as usual. This gives the guys a chance to try again, it’s like the friendship net is the fall back option.

Anyways we began talking as usual in a few days, but there was this unexplained tension at times. I thought to myself, there was no point going further. But due to my unprecedented love, I ended up proposing her again! YES you did read that right!! I repeated the same act. I tried to curb the feeling, but just couldn't. I expected the same answer, but this time Aksha said, "I don't know". The reply definitely infused some hopes in me. I was thinking in my mind, couple of more times and it might actually work. The moment she said "I don't know", I knew, that was my chance, I grabbed the opportunity and poured out all my feelings. The idea was to build on her reply.

In the same way, I ended up proposing three more times. "I Love you" now had become a joke. But the important thing was, every single time Aksha's answer was different. It was better than the previous. But it was never a "Yes" or "I Love you too". Her best reply was, "Maybe, I don't know". I tried and tried the entire third semester, but always in vain. 

Then came the semester break, I knew that I could not see her for a month. Was happy for the vacation, but was sad that I wouldn't be seeing her. I visited my aunt, an overnight journey from Bangalore. In spite of the location or in spite of the fact that messaging used to cost a fortune on roaming, I continued messaging Aksha.

One bright sunny afternoon, I received a message from Aksha, the message which changed the dimensions of the relationship or at least what I would call, the turning point of the relationship.